Return to Sender

Christmas is traditionally "the most wonderful time of the year". But I'll be honest, I'm not feeling all that festive this year.

See, God gave me a most unusual gift this holiday season, and it's left me scratching my head and going through tissue boxes like it's my job. This year, under my little sparkling Christmas tree, God gave me the gift of ......discomfort.

I know what you're thinking, because I thought it too. What on earth are you giving me Lord? I didn't order this or put it on my Christmas list! It seems a whole lot more like coal than a present. This seems like something I should be getting if I did something awful and quite frankly once I realized what I was given I adamantly requested to "return to sender". But then (after quite a bit of kicking and screaming) I realized that my God gives good gifts. And although this doesn't feel good, I can already tell that it most certainly is.

I like comfort. I like fuzzy blankets and cuddle dud socks. I like familiarity and routine. Traditionally, I like what's known and safe. But that's very much not the season God is calling me into. He knows I wouldn't choose discomfort, so ready-set-go He pushed me out of my nest and into a whirlwind where I felt like I was free-falling yet held, all at the same time.

Let me explain.

In C.S Lewis' book the Voyage of the Dawn Treader, there's a scene where a boy Eustace gets turned into a dragon because of his own greed. He cannot transform himself back into being a boy (his rightful form) by himself...he needs help from Aslan (the Christ-like figure).

Eustace took on a false identity and the removal of that false identity is both graphic and painful (and most certainly uncomfortable). Take a look....

"Then the lion said — You will have to let me undress you. I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt...."

Ouch. Not fun.

You may be wondering what a lion, a dragon and a boy have to do with my Christmas present from the Lord.

Well, Jesus in His kindness showed me that I have let myself take on many false identities. They aren't even all inherently bad, but they've become what defines me, and that's what has to go.

God is the only one who can pull back the layers to reveal the real me.

I've been afraid of His "claws", but I know He has my best interest in mind.

Many people quote Jeremiah 29:11, but when you really take a deep look at it there's so much depth to it (and the verses after it).

11 For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call on Me and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear [your voice] and I will listen to you. 13 Then [with a deep longing] you will seek Me and require Me [as a vital necessity] and [you will] find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

Wow. Let me tell you something. The presence of God in our lives isn't just a nice bonus. It's a vital necessity. In my own strength (or even with the help of others) I would not be able to go through the refining process I'm going through. I wouldn't have chosen it, I don't remember asking for it, and quite frankly, it really hurts. But I have never been more grateful to God that in His mercy He's said to me "You are more than the labels that have been put on you...and it's time to take them off."

I'm not sure what challenges this Holiday season has brought you. But I believe that God really loves us enough not to leave us with dragon skin on. He wants the purest form of us. Maybe this Christmas you haven't felt very "Merry Merry Merry".....and I get it. But hear me when I say that the same baby found in a manger, loved us enough to die an extremely uncomfortable and painful death on the cross so that we could truly live. Not encumbered by the junk of this world....but free. He sees us at our core and He's calling us to something better than what we've settled for.

I've reconsidered my exchange request. I no longer want to "return to sender".

Because my God really is a giver of good gifts.